“Ohana Means Nothing!”: What the backlash to found family Lilo and Stitch misses
If there’s a Disney movie that’s going to make me cry, it’s Lilo and Stitch. As the oldest of five sisters, it hits a chord.
There are a few reasons to dislike the live action movie. First and foremost: Gantu and Jumba. Jumba was a great character, and while no one can replace the late and great David Ogen Stiers, making Jumba stay the villain was a real disservice to his character. And where was Gantu? He was a great character that absolutely could have been in the movie. Personally, I didn’t like that Myrtle wasn’t white/light skinned. Showing the racial, class, and colorism dynamics at play in a subtle way is important. Likewise, the low-key digs at massive and harmful tourism were missing from the live action film.
*Spoilers below for Lilo and Stitch*
Despite valid reasons for criticism (including “I just didn’t like it,”), the biggest backlash has actually come from a ridiculous source: Nani goes to college
Maybe it’s because I’m the sister who left, or maybe it’s because I am so tired of the anti-college, anti-women, desperate for “DEI”-based outrage state of the internet lately, but the whole thing gets under my skin. So, let’s talk about family and what it means.
The Meaning of Family
One of Stitch’s most memorable lines represents the heart of the movie: “This is my family. I found it all on my own. It’s little, and broken, but still good.” Stitch right there says, a few aliens and a few humans can make a family by deciding to be family. The found family narrative is one of the best parts of the movie.
But to many whiners online, by Nani going to college and leaving Lilo with Tūtū it breaks up the ohana. But both Lilo and Tūtū point out that “no one gets left behind,” means Nani too. Nani shouldn’t throw away her gifts just for some self-sacrificing nonsense.
Nani is a 19-year-old who lost her parents. She is in over her head, can’t keep a job or health insurance, and deserves to live her life. I get that our culture is perfectly happy to sacrifice women’s whole damn identities and lives for other people (and I wonder how much criticism there would be if Nani were a brother rather than a sister), but Nani gets to live her life. She gets to choose herself.
Found Family is Family
Leaving Lilo (and Stitch) with people who she knew, who loved her, and who are found family just shows the extent of ohana. It's already been pointed out that the criticism of Tūtū being ohana is just a misunderstanding of what the expression means.
Plus, college isn’t forever. It’s four years, and even without her magic portal gun, Nani would come home in the summers. Military parents are often away from their children for longer times than Nani will be away from Lilo. Are we to believe they are no longer families?
One of the iconic things about Lilo and Stitch is that found family is ohana because found family is family. In the animated series, that family is Nani and Lilo, as well as Stitch and David, but also Jumba and Pleakly. If three aliens and a boyfriend can be a family with our girls, then certainly a family friend can be.
The idea that Nani has left forever because she went to college is a wild take (that probably indicates people need therapy for their abandonment issues). But the idea that “Disney just can’t stand women who stay home and have families” is equally stupid (and probably indicates that they need to get off the internet and get some therapy). Tūtū is a woman who stays home with her family: first with David, then Lilo and Stitch. Disney shows a woman who stays with her family, just as they show a woman who makes the hard choice to go away for a little while in order to build a better life for herself and her family. Perhaps it’s the adolescent-ification of Americans that keeps people feeling like someone else owns Nani’s life.
The Real Fear: Women Choosing Themselves
Thirty years ago, I chose myself. Twenty years ago, my aunt and I were going to adopt two of my sisters. Then my aunt died. I was not financially capable of supporting my sisters, but even more I was nowhere near emotionally capable. All of the other adult relatives completely shirked their responsibility, but they were happy to parentify me from childhood on and blame me for not picking up their responsibilities. I know how hard Nani’s choice was, because I made it, and my family today wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t.
I would have killed for a Tūtū to be there for my sisters, just as I was lucky there was a Tūtū there when my own biological family collapsed. Nani and Lilo are lucky that their found family is bigger than one load-bearing 19-year old, but so much of the audience can’t see that because a woman choosing herself is dangerous heresy in our society.
At the end of the day, I’m tired of standing at women’s funerals and hearing how much they did for everyone else and wondering how many dreams got closed up in that casket with them. Women are more than what we do for other people. As a mother and a volunteer in my community, doing stuff for other people is how I express my gratitude and care for others, but that’s not all I am. I choose my kids. I choose my husband. I choose the rest of my family and my community. But I also choose me.
Nani chose herself. And in doing so, she chose Lilo because she showed Lilo one of the most important lessons a woman can learn: how to choose herself.
